Movies
Movies! You know them, you love them, and you’ll probably be watching a lot of them now that it seems like we’ll all be moving underground to wait out the apocalypse any day now. While I may be loathe to call myself a film-buff or cinephile, I’m definitely a purveyor of culture. I’m constantly on the hunt for art that makes me Feel Things and on that hunt I’ve discovered countless movies that do the job.
Today, I present to you my life’s work: a definitive list of the Best Movies. I firmly reject the idea that a superlative like “best” can only accurately apply to a single entity, and of all of the movies I’ve watched, these ones are simply the best! From senseless slapstick to award-winning dramas, this list has it all. However, I did exclude short films and documentaries as I feel like the concept of “movies” entails feature-length works of fiction.
Some criteria I worked with when putting this list together included:
If this movie comes up in conversation, will I not shut up about it?
Would I watch this movie every day for the rest of my life?
Can I comfortably latch large chunks of my personality onto this movie?
Do I find myself feverishly recommending this movie to friends, acquaintances, Hinge matches, the ghost in my apartment, etc.?
Is Dave Franco in this one?
I’m going to try to give you my elevator-pitch for why you should devote a couple hours of your life to each of these films without being too long-winded, so I’ve also included either the trailer to the film or a particularly iconic scene. But, if it hasn’t already become clear, I cannot recommend watching these movies in their entirety highly enough. So go on, see if your favorite made the cut!
1. Harold and Maude (1971) dir. Hal Ashby
Harold and Maude is my favorite movie of all time. It’s simultaneously whimsical and macabre with an overarching theme of subverting societal norms on the pursuit of happiness. Most known for featuring a romance between a 20-year-old and a 79-year-old, Harold and Maude is controversial among critics and audiences alike. Frankly, I don’t quite care what critics or audiences think because I think it’s an absolute joy! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll want to learn the banjo to play along with that killer Cat Stevens soundtrack.
2. Napoleon Dynamite (2004) dir. Jared Hess
No film toes the line of cringe quite as delicately as Napoleon Dynamite. I would be genuinely shocked if this movie wasn’t at least vaguely on your radar as it reached meme-level cultural saturation in the mid-2000s. Everything about Napoleon Dynamite is just a little bit off in a way that is both charming and unsettling. I could probably recite this entire script from front to back—it’s just a frickin’ delight! As a counterpoint, my college roommate once told me that after seeing Napoleon Dynamite she decided that she hated the entire genre of comedy.
3. Elf (2003) dir. Jon Favreau
At one point in my life I had in my possession four unique DVD copies of Elf. This is yet another meme-status mid-2000s film that I can without a doubt quote from front to back. I will watch Elf at any time of the year because it exudes a joy that is unfathomably pure. I dare you to cry through this entire movie—it’s impossible!
4. Chuecatown (2007) dir. Juan Flahn
In my time as a liberal arts student, I was able to shoehorn Chuecatown references into countless assignments. This movie has everything: murder, comedy, The Gays™, a hyperliteral critique of gentrification, and it’s like $1 on Amazon. Clips from this movie were able to summon real laugher out of second semester seniors begrudgingly presenting their final projects in a queer film class. That is evidence of some serious comedy chops!
5. Arrival (2016) dir. Denis Villeneuve
Aliens, linguistics, AND Amy Adams? I’ll never know what I did to deserve this film, but I find myself constantly rewatching it just in case it is deemed too good for this world and taken away from us. From the Slaughterhouse Five-esque interpretation of time to Amy Adams’ character basically presenting my linguistics capstone project at the beginning of the film, Arrival is my liberal arts dream come true! It’s also breathtakingly gorgeous with phenomenal sound design.
6. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) dir. Adam McKay
It was almost impossible to choose one favorite scene from this movie, but if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said “I’m not sure what to do with my hands right now” I could bring my job search to a screeching halt. Talladega Nights is Will Ferrell at his fully amplified, goofy best.
7. Stick It (2006) dir. Jessica Bendinger
If you liked Stick It, you’re queer now. Sorry, those are just the facts! This is also the only movie I own on iTunes.
8. What’s Up, Tiger Lily? (1966) dir. Woody Allen & Senkichi Taniguchi
I know the optics on this one aren’t great, but hear me out. The entire concept of this film is a fever dream and it gets wackier at every turn. Is this film problematic on numerous levels? Absolutely. Does it meet 4/5 of my criteria for inclusion on this list? Easily. (Spoiler alert: Dave Franco is NOT in this one.)
9. 1408 (2007) dir. Mikael Håfström
This adaptation of a Stephen King short story features incredible performances from Samuel L. Jackson and John Cusack. It has an unshakeable “The Yellow Wallpaper”-like quality where the horror seems to be inexplicably taking place in both the character’s physical world and inside their mind. We would watch 1408 in college when we wanted to pull all-nighters because there is no way you’re getting any kind of meaningful rest after this chaos-filled psychological thriller. 1408 makes Inception seem simplistic and one-dimensional. (Inception is also incredibly overhyped, but that’s neither here nor there.)
10. Office Space (1999) dir. Mike Judge
The soundtrack to this movie is reason enough to watch. This absolute gem of late-90s content makes it possible to vicariously live out the fantasy of living a life without caring about anything. If you haven’t seen Office Space I’m not sure we can even be friends, so you should probably just go watch it right now.
11. Civil War On Drugs (2011) dir. Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
“The movie is about two stoners (played by Trevor and Sam) who are introduced to marijuana smoking right before the Civil War breaks out, and are convinced that everyone is fighting over weed.”
This hilariously low-budget feature from the sketch comedy group Whitest Kids You Know is now so impossible to track down that the first clip I included here was 404’d by the time I was finished writing the description. The Civil War on Drugs, while originally aired in discreet chapters, was at some point during my high school career available in full-feature form on Netflix, and we watched this movie to death. All you need to know is that they portray a Native American tribe as a lax-bro frat and you’ll understand the overall vibe of the movie.
12. Neighbors (2014) dir. Nicholas Stoller
By now you know I have a soft-spot for what I like to frame as “stupid comedy that is so stupid that it might just be smart.” Neighbors does an excellent job of satirizing the campiness of fraternity culture and casting Rose Byrne. Also, Dave Franco is in this one.
13. Brave Little Toaster (1997) dir. Jerry Rees
In retrospect, The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars is an acid trip of a movie—so it fits right in on this list! A widely loathed sequel to the 1987 hit The Brave Little Toaster, this underrated Disney film makes no attempt to tether itself to any sense of reality, and for that reason it has my utmost respect. I implore you to read the Wikipedia synopsis because there is no way I can do it justice.